i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
