just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
