You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
