yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize