She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
