So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
