he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
