I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
