Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
