??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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