Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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