Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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