You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize