Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Holy sore nipples Batman
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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