I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
