Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
