Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize