Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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