party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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