Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
