my vag is so smooth its legendary
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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