On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
