why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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