it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize