someone get that fucking seahorse.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
