We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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