they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
