so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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