you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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