dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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