you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
