So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
