Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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