just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
