dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
