Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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