So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
