he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
