I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
