She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
third nipple confirmed
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You ruined the universe
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
