You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
