she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize