i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
