The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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