3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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