two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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