dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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