I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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