Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
