just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I met the friendliest cop last night
this boner is exhausting
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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