idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
