if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You smell like stripper and shame
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
