how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
