The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
