oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
she peed on how many people?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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