May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
