don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
