i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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