Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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