Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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