My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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