Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
