oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
