he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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