the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
