i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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