well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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