She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
