I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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