i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
