remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
