i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
