And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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