They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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