you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
