yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
