Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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