No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I love you. Go after that dick
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
