I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
