I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
